Only in Pakistan....

The following are some of the things that will only happen in Pakistan in great abundance.

1) One out of every three motorist will, at some point of even a short journey, spit out their window. You may choose to look away but you cannot miss the expertise with which a glassful (no exaggeration) of liquid will spew from their mouth, miss a passing car, defy all laws of physics and splatter onto the newly washed pavement or wall. It's a form of sport that will soon be recognized I'm sure. As for now these 'spithletes' practice their art regularly and without fail. Only in Pakistan.

2) Whenever there is a need for a vertically straight line there shall be a horizontal gathering of humans. It is almost like an unspoken law in this country. We are just not built to make lines. Ask us to elbow, plough through, or generally disrupt a smooth process of 'first come first serve' and we come out on top, but make a line? Never! We can stand next to a fellow Pakistani, whether on their left side or right. We can stand in front of them, heck even on their toes, but behind one? Never! If there is a ladies only line and we are forced to stand behind a fellow human we will stand boob to back! You see it has been noticed that the rate at which the line will move forward is directly proportionate to how close we stand to the person in front of us.

3) If there is something interesting happening in the world it is meant to be ogled! A foreigner, for example, shopping for groceries is the epitome of entertainment for us. We will forget our own shopping list and start following them in the aisles. If not that we shall make sure we reach the check out right after them so we can see all that they have purchased. If they are in shorts, we are in luck. More foreign legs to see. Don't get us wrong we also indulge in staring at our own people. It is a national pastime really.

4) Crossing streets is for cavemen. We stroll, amble, plod, prowl, drift, linger, traipse across the busiest roads of our cities. You just can't touch this. And if you do, we can throw an unmatched hissy fit! After all it is our fundamental right to take our sweet time crossing a busy main road. Especially if we are ladies. A lady never runs, or even trots. Therefore, keeping to the code, we as Pakistani ladies like to take a nature walk down traffic laden lanes all the time. And let anyone tell us otherwise.

5) Talking softly is for pansies. We must alert the entire vicinity of our presence. If something has to be uttered it has to be utterly loud. Whether we are telling our husband's off or just our kids, it has to be done at a volume that grabs the attention of all and sundry. Even our whispers are done with fanfare. We have mastered the art of being loud and uncouth in public and therefore can be spotted anywhere in the world.

6) We become dyslexic when faced with sign posts. If it says 'do not spit,' it actually tells us that they have selected this very spot for us to spew our guts out. "Be quiet," turns us into a herd of banshees. "No smoking" reads "why not light 'er up." What you can't read won't harm you!

7) A wet toilet is the best toilet! That is the philosophy of most Pakistanis. Therefore the most hardworking of all our labour force is that lady or gent who stands inside loos in malls, at airports etc. They quickly hand you a tissue as you come out of the stall but little do they know that the stall has now become a flood zone, only after your worthy 'efforts.'

8) A dustbin is a Pakistani's worst enemy. We either choose to ignore the blatantly harmful thing or we taunt it by surrounding it with the stuff that it was made for in the first place. As anyone can see that due to our sheer hard work we have made Pakistan 'Trashistan.'

The list is quite extensive I can assure you. These are just some of the things popular among our educated classes. Imagine the achievements of our less erudite countrymen.